The Gottman Relationship Check-up is a confidential, online, efficient way to obtain a comprehensive assessment of your relationship. It includes both your relationship strengths and areas that require some work. Often couples attending therapy can focus on one or a few aspects of their relationship but not be fully aware of other aspects that contribute to eroding the relationship. The Gottman Relationship Check-up provides a complete picture that a couple may not be as aware of as their major concern.

When a couple book with Chapman Marques, in accordance with The Gottman Method, we require them to complete the Gottman Relationship Check-up online assessment as the first step in couples’ therapy. This occurs before the first appointment and before individual interviews. Each partner completes the assessment separately. Neither partner can access the other partner’s information. Partners are encouraged not to share their responses to maximise the accuracy of the assessment. Once partners have completed the survey, it is sent securely online to the Gottman Institute at the University of Washington in Seattle. The answers form the data for your Gottman Relationship Check-up report. The resultant report is then sent to Chapman Marques, the therapist, as a detailed report to inform therapy. The couple also receive a summary report. The report plays a large part in the process of setting the goals for the following therapy sessions.

Developed from more than 40 years of scientific research by Dr. John Gottman, the Gottman Relationship Check-up relies on intensive, detailed, and evidence-based information as to why relationships succeed or fail. The Check-up questionnaire consists of 480 questions about friendship, intimacy, emotions, conflict, values, and trust, as well as parenting, housework, finances, individual areas of concern, etc.

The check-up report gives Chapman Marques confidential information about the areas of The Sound Relationship House model. See below.

1: Love Maps

 The “Love Map,” is the guide to your partner’s inner world; their likes and dislikes. In an ideal relationship, the partners know each other better than anyone else.

2. Sharing Fondness and Admiration

Sharing fondness and appreciation is commenting on your partner’s characteristics that you appreciate. For example: being clever; being kind; or, having a sense of humour. It is expressing all the reasons that you love your partner.

3: Turning Towards

When you need attention or support from your partner, or want to share something, you make what the Gottmans call a “bid.” A bid for togetherness. Your partner turns toward a bid when they respond with what you need. Consistently turning away (or worse yet, turning against) a bid spells disaster for any relationship. When you both recognize and turn toward each other’s bids, you create a safe connection for you both to express yourselves and your needs.

4: Positive Perspective

Couples in healthy relationships see the best in each other and don’t jump to offence or criticism. Thinking positively about your partner’s statements or behaviours, being willing to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and conjecture an excuse or reason for something disappointing rather than consistently thinking the worst and finding fault puts a positive perspective on a relationship.

5: Managing Conflict

No couple can avoid conflict. Responding appropriately is key.  First, you need to accept your partner’s influence by taking their feelings, wishes and needs into account instead of wanting everything your own way. Second, whether problems are solvable or perpetual, you discuss them. Third, when you feel yourself getting heated during an argument, self-soothing (such as taking a walk or a little time out to reflect) will help in calming down to return and discuss the situation with emotions managed appropriately.

6: Making Life Dreams Come True

This is encouraging your partner in their goals and helping them achieve them. This shows that you want the best possible life for your partner, and you are willing to do what it takes to make it come about.

7: Create Shared Meaning

The peak of the Sound Relationship House works much like its foundation of Love Maps, except on this level, you build and understand an inner world as a couple. It is developing a culture of symbols and rituals that express who you are as a team. Rituals of Connection define you as a unit, and you create them together.

The Walls of Trust and Commitment

Whilst all the levels of the Sound Relationship House are important, they need the pillars of trust and commitment to hold them together. In a healthy, supportive relationship, two people make the decision to have faith in each other and maintain their relationship through good times and bad. Both partners act with the good of their partner and the relationship paramount.