| I’m occasionally asked by a friend how I met my wife. And, so I’ve been told, it makes a good story. I certainly remember every detail as if it was yesterday. I recall the very first time I saw her, asking her for a date and how striking she was on that date.
From his decades of research, Dr. John Gottman found that your “story of us” can be told in different ways and indicates a great deal about a couple.
In a sound relationship, the “story of us” includes all the happy aspects like shared adventures; humorous incidents the couple experienced; their mutual fondness and admiration; the sense of teamwork; pain suffered; and, difficulties overcome.
For example, a partner might recall how spectacular the other appeared on their first date. Another example might be an event that turned into a fiasco but is remembered with mirth by the couple. Another example might be painting a bookcase together or furnishing their home.
In telling their story, some couples will relate all the hardships. Others will talk about how they overcame them together. How a person tells their “story of us” – whether positively or negatively can reveal whether the partner sees the relationship as about their “me” or about the “we”.
Dr. John Gottman asks: “Is it I, me, mine, or is it us, our, we?”
If you think you might benefit from couples’ counselling, for an appointment with Chapman Marques Psychology & Relationship Counselling, phone Belconnen Specialist Centre on 6251 1880.
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