“Shoot … re-load … shoot” is an expression used to highlight an ineffective (and disrespectful) communication style wherein we have our say, then, when our partner is speaking, we are preparing (“re-load”) our response (“shoot”).

So often in introductory intake therapy sessions, I hear couples saying “the problem is communication”.  Invariably, on further investigation, one of the issues I hear them offering is that their partner doesn’t listen to understand.

We’ve probably all done it. You are discussing something with your partner but you’re listening and possibly nodding, however … you’re “re-loading” – thinking about your response.

Often, you may even feel you have a twitchy “trigger finger”, itching to fire your response.  You feel your response is on the tip of your tongue.  Sometimes, the itchy trigger finger gets the better of you and you interrupt and shoot out your response. This can occur in any conversation if you’ve made the style of “shoot … re-load … shoot” your style of communication.  Mates; co-workers; and, family are all targets.

While we are re-loading, we are only half-listening  and aren’t respectfully mindful of our partner’s communication. Whilst you might think you have a strong response loaded to shoot off, you very likely have failed to hear and understand your partner’s message and feelings.

Instead, of the “shoot … re-load … shoot” style of communication, slow down and really, really listen. Think about your reply when your partner has finished their message. If you do this, you will find you have better discussions, and you will understand your partner, or anyone else you’re planning on shooting a message at, far better.

If you think you might benefit from couples’ counselling, for an appointment with Chapman Marques Psychology & Relationship Counselling, phone Belconnen Specialist Centre on 6251 1880 or complete the Contact information form..